Archive for November 6th, 2019

Today in People Are the Worst news

Wednesday, November 6th, 2019

On the night of Sunday, November 3rd, three complete and utter douchebags strapped a tree trunk to the hood of their car and rammed through a medieval side door of the UNESCO World Heritage Oloron-Sainte-Marie cathedral in southwest France. Once inside, they cut through steel bars protecting the chapel using a power grinder to create a large enough opening to go through. The sparks thrown by the power tool ignited a curtain in the chapel, but thankfully nothing else burned. They then smashed the display case glass and emptied it of its contents: gold chalices, monstrances, crosses, an 18th century nativity scene and a precious set of white and gold liturgical garments donated to the Bishop of Orlon by Francis I of France (r. 1515-1547). The church’s collection of vestments from the 16th, 17th and 18th centuries were found dumped unceremoniously in a pile on the floor. A statue and vase that were not stolen appear to have been deliberately vandalized.

These objects survived the orgy of anti-religious and anti-monarchical iconoclasm that saw so much of France’s cultural patrimony destroyed during the French Revolution. They are of inestimable historical value and were being kept in very fine condition by the church. The textiles were recently treated and being kept in conservation conditions.

The attack took place around 2:00 AM Monday. A neighbor heard the ruckus and reported it shortly before 2:30 AM. The gendarms and mayor arrived on the scene quickly, but the thieves had already escaped with the loot. They left the car which was damaged in the ramming behind and fled in a second vehicle. Props to the sturdiness of medieval wood doors for inflicting a small hit of instant karma on those jackasses.

The collection was insured, but authorities won’t comment on the assessed value because they don’t want the thieves knowing anything about what the objects might be worth. There is CCTV footage capturing the assault. The perpetrators were wearing hoods so their faces were not recorded. Police are looking at their arrival and departure on the footage to track where they might have gone.

The church is technically no longer a cathedral. Once the seat of the Bishopric of Orlon until its suppression in 1801, today it is the Church of Sainte-Marie even though it’s still commonly known as the Orlon cathedral. Built originally in the 12th century, much of the church was rebuilt over the centuries after riots, fires and the 16th century Wars of Religion took their toll. The 13th century nave, 14th century sacristy (where the thefts took place), 14th century choir and apse, 15th-16th century side chapels remain, but its crowning glory is the original 12th century Romanesque portal carved by an artist known solely as the Orlon Master who would begin his career and there before setting up shop in Spain. The church was granted World Heritage status in 1998 as part of a group of significant sites along the ancient pilgrim Route of Santiago.

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